Olivia is getting to that age. That time when everything I do, and say, seems to just annoy her so. Eye rolling and that awful way she says "OK Mom," are a daily occurrence.
We are staying home for Thanksgiving. My family are gathering at my sisters house, but the invitation was not extended to my family. I was sad about that, but I realized, it is what it is. At this point in my life, the only people that matter the most to me are all right here, under this roof. It would have been an unenjoyable day even if we had been invited, as we would have had to have been edited versions of ourselves, as our opinions are not wanted there. On any subject.
I just hope that my girls respect each other, and carry on close relationships when they are older. It would break my heart, as I know it breaks my own parents, but sadly, as I said, it is what it is. You can't shove a round peg in a square hole. I am just disillusioned as it all apparently was never the relationship that I thought it was. It was an idea in my head. My sister is 7 years older than I am. I always thought that the day would come that we would be "equals". But I will always just be the little sister. I have always had a picture in my head. What I think something should be, as opposed to the reality. I have had some disappointment.
But maybe thats just is the way it is supposed to be. Your family of origin is not going to be the family you live with always. I remember my father telling me about his own father. He had a brother. He did not know of his whereabouts. After my grandfather had come to America from Ireland, his brother followed soon after. He saw him a few times. And then, that was it. He had no idea what became of him. I always found that to be so heartbreaking. His own brother, a stranger. He didn't know if he was dead or alive.
My own father has a strained relationship with his identical twin brother. And he isn't very close to his sister. I have so many friends who choose not to spend a single holiday with their families because no one likes each other. The relationships simply don't work.
The girls are now in Olivia's bedroom. Orange peels, and cornbread crumbs are all over the kitchen table. They are laughing harder than you can imagine. The noise level borderlines on highly irritating, but my first cup of coffee is almost down, so it is becoming bearable.
They will never remember this morning. Monday, the 14th of November, 2011 will disappear into the recesses of their brains. They won't remember making orange teeth out of peels. They won't remember lying on Olivia's bed, and all wrestling around, and threatening to wipe boogers on each other. I probably won't either.
But it happened. They all were dreams realized for me. And they are all my family. A family that I chose to have. But we are their family of origin, and I would be so sad that one day, they didn't want to be together. They didn't respect one another. It would break my heart, because it wasn't always like that. It really happened.
I am listening to it.