Monday, November 14, 2011


The girls are home today and tomorrow. Parent/teacher conferences. Already, just halfway through my first cup of coffee, they are driving me nuts. Eating oranges cannot be just eating oranges. It has to be a competition of sorts, and has already caused a fight, too many orange peels shoved in their mouths, and Molly choking, trying to keep up. I wish some days, I could just sit, and giggle along with them, and watch them with wonder flickering in my eyes. This morning, I sense something else flickering in my eyes.

Olivia is getting to that age. That time when everything I do, and say, seems to just annoy her so. Eye rolling and that awful way she says "OK Mom," are a daily occurrence.

We are staying home for Thanksgiving. My family are gathering at my sisters house, but the invitation was not extended to my family. I was sad about that, but I realized, it is what it is. At this point in my life, the only people that matter the most to me are all right here, under this roof. It would have been an unenjoyable day even if we had been invited, as we would have had to have been edited versions of ourselves, as our opinions are not wanted there. On any subject.

 I just hope that my girls respect each other, and carry on close relationships when they are older. It would break my heart, as I know it breaks my own parents, but sadly, as I said, it is what it is. You can't shove a round peg in a square hole. I am just disillusioned as it all apparently was never the relationship that I thought it was. It was an idea in my head. My sister is 7 years older than I am. I always thought that the day would come that we would be "equals". But I will always just be the little sister. I have always had a picture in my head. What I think something should be, as opposed to the reality.  I have had some disappointment.

But maybe thats just is the way it is supposed to be. Your family of origin is not going to be the family you live with always. I remember my father telling me about his own father. He had a brother. He did not know of his whereabouts. After my grandfather had come to America from Ireland, his brother followed soon after. He saw him a few times. And then, that was it. He had no idea what became of him. I always found that to be so heartbreaking. His own brother, a stranger. He didn't know if he was dead or alive.

My own father has a strained relationship with his identical twin brother. And he isn't very close to his sister. I have so many friends who choose not to spend a single holiday with their families because no one likes each other. The relationships simply don't work.

The girls are now in Olivia's bedroom. Orange peels, and cornbread crumbs are all over the kitchen table. They are laughing harder than you can imagine. The noise level borderlines on highly irritating, but my first cup of coffee is almost down, so it is becoming bearable.

They will never remember this morning. Monday, the 14th of November, 2011 will disappear into the recesses of their brains. They won't remember making orange teeth out of peels. They won't remember lying on Olivia's bed, and all wrestling around, and threatening to wipe boogers on each other. I probably won't either.

But it happened. They all were dreams realized for me. And they are all my family. A family that I chose to have. But we are their family of origin, and I would be so sad that one day, they didn't want to be together. They didn't respect one another. It would break my heart, because it wasn't always like that. It really happened.

I am listening to it.


  1. People have told us over the years that by making our daughter an only child, we are robbing her of the sibling relationship. Neither of us are close to our siblings - Edie hasn't seen her cousins in years, so we really don't think we robbed her of anything.

    I see friends who are close with their siblings, they might not agree on things, but I can see when they are around each other that they clearly adore each other and that overrides everything. I don't know what the secret to having a good relationship with your siblings is as you get older - it takes work, certainly. And you both have to want to do it. And I think parents can encourage this. Neither of us feel like our parents encouraged a good relationship between us and our siblings.

    In the end, yes, the people that live under my roof are MY family and the most important people in my life. As long as you make your girls respect each other, I suspect they will have a good relationship.

  2. I can so relate. The older I get (I'll be 40 in Dec) the more I find it necessary & healthy to surround myself with accepting, supportive people. And unfortunately, as much as I love them, that is not always my family! My real family is the beautiful peeps I live with! (: