But there were numerous bright spots. My parents visited us Friday night. The girls adore them. Mostly my Dad, whom they refer to as Papa. He is the best. They have the same love in their eyes that I know I had in mine at their age, and still do. Watching him play the same games with Molly that he played with me, and all of his grandchildren, and hearing her scream with delight, every time she discovered his hiding place, is bittersweet. She is the last baby. For all of us.
They left on Saturday, on to visit my sister, who lives outside of Philadelphia. My sister and I are "estranged". I always thought that was such an awful word. A terrible term for something that feels far worse. I miss her. I have yet to discuss her, here in this forum. It is too painful. That is a story for another day.
After my Mom and Dad left, we went to the supermarket, and got what we needed to get by until payday. We figured out how many dinners we needed, and breakfasts, and put gas in the cars, and now have a little under $30.00 for the week. This would have panicked me years ago. But it has become such a way of life now for us, it no longer bothers me, that much. As long as we have food in the refrigerator, and diapers..I am OK. I have enough gas to get where I need to go, and David can get to work. I just worry about emergencies. But I try to put that thought away. Except now they are saying that more snow is on the way, and with it, there will be ice. I hate that kind of weather the most. Thick coats of ice, on everything, weighing down branches and power lines. I am so nervous even thinking about it.
David and the girls discovered a live web cam of a bears den yesterday. It was so cute to see the Mama bear and the baby bear, curled up together, asleep. They then discovered a baby squirrel nest (so cute!) and a live camera at a watering hole in Africa. The best find though, was a hummingbird nest. The nest is in California, in a rosebush. You can see the pink roses, and thorns. The nest is no bigger than a golf ball. There are two babies in the nest. They were asleep every time I looked at the computer. They breath so quickly. It is astounding. You can see their feathers blowing in the breeze. A few big gusts of wind made them flutter a bit, and David and the girls were screaming with fright, as the nest really started swaying. The mother was not with them, and they were all so worried for the babies safety. Molly was even scared. It was sweet to see.
This morning, as the girls ate breakfast, they wanted to see the hummingbirds. I went to the website, and it was dark. Too early in California still. I guess the remote camera shuts down at night. I would have loved to see a Mama hummingbird snuggled up with her babies. The girls were disappointed, and asked to look at it when they get home from school later. I plan on keeping the site up all day.
Last night, David and I started to dream out loud together. We are always stressed, and always, always, broke. We are one heating malfunction, or car repair bill, away from disaster. I hate that we make sure to stock the refrigerator, and must choose to do that, instead of paying a bill. Or bills. Sticky, necessary, choices.
We talked about one day being able to start a foundation. One that would help people like David and I. If you need a car repair, or new tires, so you could get to work, local businesses would do that for you, and our foundation would pay for the parts. They would donate the labor. In exchange for this help, you would have to "pay it forward". Do something for the community. Whether that was to help clean up the roads in the spring, or paint playground equipment , or work at a food pantry.
There are so many people like David and I who don't have the money to pay for repairs, and don't qualify for assistance. You sort of fall into a non-category. You just keep your fingers crossed constantly that nothing happens, and you can just maintain what you have. It is stressful. A constant worry. It would be so nice to help others. It was nice to dream about it.
So today, I have a stomach ache. Worried about the weather. Worried about the ice. Worried about it all. So I will watch the hummingbird nest. I will hope for a day of no wind for the Mama bird.
That nest is in such a pretty place. And those babies are so tiny.