Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Sometimes it's heaven sent. then we head back to hell again. We kiss and make up on the way.
I hang up, you call. We rise and we fall. And we feel just like walking away.
But as our love advances, we take second chances. Though it's not a fantasy, I still want you to stay.

I felt a freedom yesterday, that I had not felt in some time. The summer drained me. The girls became a chore. Not something I was happily involved in. Each day, I had spent just waiting for bed time. Yesterday, with the arrival of school, and two of my three girls being gone all day, gave me hope. I started to see a sliver, a tiny itty bitty light, at the end of a very dark tunnel for myself. Childcare, is draining. Taking care of my girls is sometimes, extremely unenjoyable. I just muddle through sometimes. I go to bed each night, and pray, and promise, to be a better mother tomorrow, but it never happens. Yesterday, I felt like a better mother. I was happy to send the girls off. I made them a yummy breakfast, and packed their lunches, and dressed them, and took pictures, and David and I took them to the bus stop, and waved goodbye.
I had one baby with me. All day. The house was quiet. Molly and I had a happy day together. I loved being with her all alone. She is beautiful, and loving, and funny. She loves me. I can see it in her eyes. She adores me. It is a nice way to spend the day. Being adored by a tiny creature, who cannot talk to you.
Even driving...I felt free. I felt happy. I feel hopeful about our future. I am unsure why. We are in a bit of a pickle financially, and my marriage is really strained. I was listening to John Legend in the car, and heard those above words sung by his beautiful voice, as he plays piano. I was crying as he sung them.
I want everything to just be ok.

1 comment:

  1. I want everything to be okay for you, too. You do so much. Be easy on yourself, sweet Erin.

    Also - I have something to mail you! (You won the print!) Send me your mailing address . . .