She broke her toe on Saturday. She dropped a giant rock on it, as her and her friend from next door were attempting to move it. Squashed it like a grape. It was bloody, and looked so flipping painful. It was hard to look at it. Right away, I started getting ready to take her to the emergency room. She said that she wanted David to take her. It kind of socked me in the gut a little, I gotta say. I even asked her twice if she was sure. I mean, I know I suck in a crisis. I cringe, and scream, and resemble someone going into hysterics. I realize, I am supposed to be the calming force in an emergency. I just have never been able to do that.
So off they went, and I darted around the house, nervously straightening things, and putting laundry away, and starting one project, and then would abort that mission, and get going on something else, and do it all over again. I knew it was just a broken toe, and she would be fine, but I felt an ache in my arms. I really did. She is my baby. My baby. I feel that I am just a little bit closer to the girls than David is. I really do. That might sound awful, but they grew in my body, and all became big, and strong from breast milk exclusively, so I feel just a smidge closer.
I was supposed to be there. And I wasn't. And I felt like I was missing an event in Liv's life that she will remember, and I wasn't a part of it. I realize how very selfish that sounds, and I do adore that she loves her Dad to the moon and back, I really do. But, I felt a little less. That is really all I can come with to describe how I felt. Less.
I snapped out of it, and relished taking care of her. It felt nice to get her home, and put a pillow under her foot, and make a big deal about her crutches, which by the way, we have heard about non.stop. Her friend and Charlotte brought her flowers and balloons, and a card. We made phone calls, at her request, to alert friends and family.
She is loving the attention. Eating it up, actually. And I realized, that she isn't just mine. She is ours. And she needs us both. In different ways, but she needs us both, just the same. Being a mom comes in gushes for me. Day to day taking care of business makes the big picture get hazy more often than not. And then all of a sudden, you realize how very important you are to some pretty important people. And you might not always be.
So, while I can get it, I'll take it.
And listen, and listen, and listen....