Thursday, September 9, 2010

The floor is yours

"Drop all your words on a page, and rearrange later".  Thank you Kendra, for this.

I am tired, and a bit sick to my stomach. I have had diarrhea for two days now. Our car is totaled. We found this out yesterday. We apparently owe more on the car than it is worth. We will have no ability to pay that difference. I will not have a car for the foreseeable future, and the one car we have, that David drives, has four bald tires, and is in need of so many repairs. I will now be here, in my home, day in, and day out, for a very long time. This thought makes me shudder. Alone, with Molly, with no ability to leave. I feel like I am choking when I think of this. I feel scared that if the girls need me at school, I can't get to them. I worry if I run out of something, I will have to go without.
I am trying to wrap my head around this latest set of circumstances in our life. I spoke to my father yesterday. He called me. He said that there is no logic in this. He also said that good things can happen as fast as bad things can. I guess they can. They are just not happening to me, or my family. My cousin Jennifer texted me something yesterday. She said..."I feel like God is really calling you guys. He's taken away so much so you will go to him.I believe he has big things in store for you, but needs to fix a few things before that time. Wants your undivided attention. ".
Well, I am listening. You have my undivided attention. My husband had a nervous breakdown right before my eyes yesterday. We have nothing. We can go nowhere, or do anything. We are becoming broken, beyond repair.
My family is nearly totaled. Whenever your ready....

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