Monday, September 13, 2010


I feel scared today. I am unsure of our future. Constant diarrhea. Constant palpitations. Mounting bills, no way to pay the mortgage. I feel like my head is going to explode. I am already worried about Christmas, and our ability to provide it.
 David called this morning from work, informing me that the girl who hit us had very limited insurance coverage. Her insurance will only pay us $5,000.00. We owe $10,000.00. We have to continue making car payments for a car we no longer have. I mean....are you fucking kidding me??????? I am sorry to swear. I hate the F curse, but I really feel like it truly conveys how I feel, inside my head. Oh my gosh...I just don't understand this. I will now, have no car, and no ability to get another one. We are still waiting and waiting and waiting, for orders for David to go to the Middle East. I am worried that they will never come.
How will I be able to take care of my family with no car? How will we be able to fix the one car that we have? Where will we be in 6 months? Here? How will we pay all of our bills? What if the girls need me, and I can't get to them? What kind of life are we providing for them? 
I made David buy us a powerball ticket over the weekend. I actually prayed to God we would win. I went to bed, feeling like "what if". I went to bed with a tiny glimmer of hope. How stupid is that?

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