Friday, September 10, 2010


Yesterday was a day filled with anxiety. Midway through the day, I felt something in me change. I walk around most days, and I can almost smell the stress coming out of my pores. I see the worry in my face, and in the clumps of hair in my drain, in the tub. I taste it the way I run to food for comfort when I am alone. I notice the way my heart beats up by my throat, and not where it should beat, comfortably nestled below my rib cage. I hear the stress come out of my mouth, as I am yelling at my girls, and dismissing them, and their chatter.
Yesterday, I felt like I just want to be. I want to find some kind of normalcy in all of this abnormality. I want my heart to stop racing. I want to not have a daily argument with my husband. I want to go to sleep at night, and not wake up in a panic. I want to talk to people and not constantly feel like I have to explain who we are, and why we have less. I want to hear, in my ears, my laugh.
Today, the sky could not be any more blue. The wind is cool, and the sun is making the leaves that are beginning to turn, actually glow. I have received more positive thoughts, and love, from some of the most unexpected people, and old friends, and I know that my family has a cheering section. It makes me feel like running faster.
I got a phone call this morning from a rental car company. We are getting a rental car paid for by the insurance company of the girl who hit us. I started to worry right away about how long would we have it for. We may not be able to get a car for quite some time. Would they take the car next week. But I can't go there. I can't worry about it today. Today is Friday. Tonight we will have pizza, and enjoy family game night, and be able to go out with the girls this weekend. Even if it is just to the store. We will be together. I am tired of feeling sorry for all of us. I am tired of being out of breath. I am tightening our laces.
This weekend, we are going to allow our girls to watch what happened on September 11th, and we are going to be thankful for this life we have, and the love we share. I hope everyone does the same.
Thank you for the love.

1 comment:

  1. don't you feel like sometimes when things are at their worst, it's the only time we stop and truly feel gratitude? keep letting those little glimmers of hope shine through erin.