Monday, October 17, 2011

My heart

The little girl is fading away. I still see it in her eyes, but there is a little bit less of it, more and more. I never thought that time would pass so quickly. I never thought my Olivia would ever stop being a little girl. I just never thought that far ahead.

I went into her room today, and I could smell her. I like looking at how she lines things up, neatly, in a row, in size order. Her shoes carefully placed on the floor. And the way she makes her bed, perfectly, each and every day. All of her little stuffed friends in the same spots each day. Her sheets pulled taught.

I worry so much about losing her. About her keeping things from me, and distance growing between us. Eventually, she will hate me. I don't want her to hate me. I want to be close. Forever. Effortlessly.

But I don't think that is possible. So, I will take what she gives me. Because soon, the little bit of little girl that I see in her eyes will be there no more.

1 comment:

  1. I am going through this too.

    Every day last week, I could tell, Edie was just annoyed with me. Didn't like me very much. Rolled her eyes at me seemingly nonstop.

    Friday night at bedtime, she asked for a snuggle. She hasn't asked for one in months. I so jumped at it and soaked it up. She was out in minutes. It felt so good to snuggle up to her while she slept. I don't know when she'll let that happen again.