Friday, October 21, 2011

Long ago night

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror last night. I was cleaning someones house. I was rushing, wanting to get home. My face was flushed, and when I caught my own image, my lips looked small, and pursed together, and my brow was furrowed. My skin looked ruddy. My eyelids heavy. I was taken back at what I saw. It made me upset. I looked old, worried, out of shape, and tired.

I went back to scrubbing a toilet bowl that was colored a horrible mauve. So was the plastic shower inset, and tub. I went back to a time in my mind. To a place. It was a long time ago. Before David and I met. Before my girls were a reality.

I worked for a designer, and we had an extensive Bridal collection that we made, and sold out of Bergdorf Goodman. It was really exciting being in the garment district, and dealing with sewers, and buying fabrics. I would go to all of the same fabric places that sold to all of the big designers, and they would always catch me sneaking peeks at what they were buying. I loved being on a first name basis with the buyers. I thought it was so cool when the editor of Martha Stewart Living was always trying to set me up with someone. It was a heady time, and it all became just the way it was.

We did a lot of work with Colin Cowie. He is a pretty well known event planner, and designer, among other things. He had asked us to design a dress for the cover of his upcoming book. He needed it in three days. I said yes, on a Friday, without even finding out if it was even possible, and three sleepless nights later, it was on a beautiful model, being shot for the cover.

His book was almost done, except he had one more chapter he needed to complete. He asked us if we knew anyone that wanted a free wedding, in exchange for it being shot for his book. They had to let him call the shots. Shockingly, every bride to be we knew was not interested.

 So he decided to fabricate a wedding. It would be in my boss's apartment, and it would be this great party, with all of his friends there as the guests, and I was asked to play the bride. I was thrilled at the chance to be immortalized in a book. I asked my college friend Dutch to be the groom. It was shot in the Fall. I remember I had a small pimple on my cheek, and I felt fat, and wasn't happy about how I looked. I almost backed out.

As I looked at myself in the awful mauve bathroom, I wished for a moment, I could see that beautiful girl staring back at me. If only for a minute.

 I don't want to be that girl anymore. But I would love to wear that powder blue silk shantung gown, and the diamonds borrowed from Van Cleef and Arpels again. And the champagne. All of that lovely champagne.   

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