Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sometimes, when you are not looking, I watch you, and can't believe my eyes at what I see. My little baby, so grown up. It does not feel like 8 years ago, you were placed in my arms, all pink and new. You had on a little hat, and when I pulled it back to look at your hair, it was black, and long. It went down past your neck, and hung down your back. You were holding your little thumbs. You were simply stunning.
I rushed through every part of your babyhood. I read "What To Expect The First Year" every day. I always read the month ahead. I wanted you to turn over, and crawl, and cruise. I was anxious for the next part, and never really enjoyed who you were, at that very moment. I wish I could hold you again, and just be.
What I didn't know then that I know now, was that no matter what I did, or didn't do, you were already all in there. The person you are becoming was all ready to go, despite my flashcard drills, and number songs. You were like the small peony blossom outside of our house, right this moment. Tightly balled up, protected with thick green leaves, but hints of brilliant pink peeking out. You are unfolding right before our eyes.
And what you are is astounding. Brutally sensitive, smart, and naturally happy. Optimistic, and painfully perfect. You expect so much of yourself, and you want to please all you encounter. You love to be physically close to me, and sometimes, I brush you away. I know that I will regret that so very soon. I already do.
Happy 8th Birthday my beautiful Olivia Grace. We learned how to be a mother and child together. I cannot express how very much I love you.