Mermaid

We cleaned up from Charlotte's birthday dinner. I think I made hamburgers and hot dogs, at her request. Had her cake. Kissed her goodnight. I remember sitting down. My feet were swollen. I said, out loud, "Well, Charlotte's birthday is done. You can come any time now baby". But, you weren't supposed to come for another three weeks.

I woke up at around 3:00 in the morning, having broken my water. I woke Daddy up, and as gently as I could, said that you were coming. What happened after that was seriously like something out of a movie. Me grabbing onto the handle above the car door screaming and writhing in pain. Daddy driving faster than he ever had, looking pale, and sick to his stomach. We burst into the Emergency Room, and startled the triage nurse. I was literally unable to remain seated in the wheelchair, the pain was so bad.

The operating room was ice cold, and having to curl my spine for the epidural during the contractions was terrifying. I felt an electric current race down my left leg. And then, complete loss of the ability to move. Even to wiggle my toes. Even to properly use my lungs. I felt like I was drowning. And then things got bad.

They couldn't get you out. A doctor got on a stool and was pushing down with all of her might on top of my stomach. Another doctor was trying to get you out through the incision. You weren't coming out. I had too much scar tissue. I heard my heart racing on the monitor. I heard it getting faster. I remember feeling like I thought I was going to die. I heard the anesthesiologist say to the doctor to work faster. I had a panic attack. Daddy said nothing. He was so scared. And then, when you came out, you were gray. And you weren't crying. And you really weren't breathing, for that matter. So they took you away. They "bagged" you. They started inflating and deflating your tiny lungs, manually. You began to cry. I passed out.

When Daddy wheeled you into the room, you had already had a bath. He steered you over to me. He gently picked you up, and handed you to me. I was stunned. You were perfect, in every way. You are perfect, in every way. You came into our life at the most stressful part. You were like magic. Instantly loved and adored by your sisters, and us. You are every one's favorite, in this house.

You are my gorgeous baby Molly. I knew your face the minute I saw you. I knew what you would be.

Our star of the sea.

Happy Two, glorious girl.