Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Molly is sleeping. Her morning nap. I love that she needs a nap, after her 12 hours of nightly sleep.

I got out of the shower, and crept into my bedroom, where she is lying, and heard a strange sound, outside. I realized instantly, it was the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze. They must have grown just enough over night to now be audible. It was nice to hear them.

I got an e-mail today, from the lawyer handling the class action lawsuit against Citimortgage. He filed the suit, on our behalf, in court yesterday, in Philadelphia. I felt happy. I felt not so crazy. Like someone bigger, and more powerful is stepping up and saying, "your right..they shouldn't have done this to you". I don't feel like we are just swinging away, growing exhausted. We have some backup. I don't know what is going to happen. I just feel like we can't be pushed around so much, anymore.

There is a warm breeze blowing through the house. My wind chimes are slowly sounding. My favorite time of the day, is when the house is quiet, and I am freshly showered, and in clean clothes. It feels nice. The birds are chirping. Every time Molly hears one, she lights up, and says "hi birdie". She thinks they are talking to her.

There is a dove, or doves...not sure if it is the same one or a different one each day...that keeps smacking itself into the windows that let light into the house, up at the roof line. Everyday. It smacks against the glass, falls, and does it again, repeatedly. Molly is terrified of it. I looked up at the window, and watched it with her, and she buried her face into my neck. I thought that you couldn't even tell it's a bird. All you see is spread wings, and feathers. She must think it is a monster trying to come in. Her face looks horrified everyday, when the first bang against the window, occurs.

The world is such a giant, strange place for such a small little thing. Everything needs explaining. Some days, I can't find the words to define things. To any of them. How do I tell my girls that some people think it is OK to celebrate a man's death? I can't. I don't understand it myself. How can I find the words?

I don't know why the dove keeps flying into it's own reflection.

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