Monday, December 6, 2010

Middle of the night

I have been unable to write. Mentally unable to. My mind has been racing. Each time I sit and try to type, my hands cannot keep up with my thoughts.

It is after midnight. I am lying in bed, and the baby is curled into the small of my back. She is so warm. David is sleeping. The house is still. I have been lying here, listening to my heat, just running and running. It makes me so stressed. I am afraid that something will break. I am terrified about something that hasn't happened. I wish for one consecutive week, I could just remain positive and happy.

I have received a kindness this past week that has moved me beyond words. I will never be able to express how it has touched my life. So I will simply say thank you.

David learned this week of a job that he is being detailed into starting tomorrow. The pay will be more, starting in the new year. The news is amazing. It is answered prayers.

Yet, I lay here, and worry that a machine cannot last forever. I keep thinking that my thinking about it, will doom it for certain.

Tomorrow, I will try for a better week.I have so much to be thankful for. Far more than what I am worrying about.

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