Saturday, March 31, 2012

lights, earrings, a hawk, and some notecards.

So, it seems we may not have electricity much longer. My electric house (heat and everything!) has a large overdue balance, and since Spring is here, they shut your lights off if you don't pay up. They asked for $1000.00 yesterday, after we gave them what we could, which was $250.00, but they were unwilling to work out a payment plan with us. That caused my heart to sink, and myself to sink into a deeper funk, on a day that we were treating the girls to getting their ears pierced. I took pictures and smiled, but really I wanted to scream, and tell them that we can't afford the earrings today. But how do you make little girls choose between lights, and getting their ears pierced? You don't.

Charlotte was shaking like a leaf, and when I put my hand over her heart, it was pounding! She was so scared, but wanted so much to do it. I wanted them to wait until they were at least 10, but we say no to so much. This was something I knew they both wanted so badly. And they had such good report cards. They deserved it.

They look so grown up suddenly. They are so cute about caring for their new earrings. Carefully cleaning them as they were instructed. Charlotte is so scared they are going to fall out. She keeps making me check them. Such a worrier. I wonder where she gets that?

My orchid, the "phoenix" of all orchids, continues to dazzle. It is exploding daily with new blooms. In the past few Springs, I have looked at it as sort of a glimmer of hope. A good omen. Not so much these days. It just seems to be staring at me, and I see a small, evil looking hawk flying right toward me. It is making me want to put it somewhere I can't see it. It watches me.

David has gone to California. I am alone for the next few days. I so wish I could talk about it in this space, but I can't. It is bigger than the space I have here. And so painful. And private, so I must respect that. The girls and I will be having a "spa" night tonight. Complete with masks, and nail polish. Maybe a movie. I am making a spinach and artichoke baked pasta for dinner. Perfect for this gray, and dreary day. I just want to pull the drapes closed now. I want to lock the doors. I want to curl up with my little ones, and just enjoy them, and not keep thinking about how we will shower, or cook, in the event the electric company  shows up. I made all the girls shower this morning, just in case it was today.

Someone gave me a shot though, to end on a high note. My photos, and note cards are now for sale at a shop in East Hampton. Fingers crossed that they sell.

I am grateful for the chance.


  1. They won't show up on a weekend.
    I hate this for you.

    When this popped up in blogger, I thought "Oh fun, they get to live off the grid." How's that for a happy spin? We have gas hot water and a gas stove and our power goes out regularly, so we know we can get by.

    Drop me a line if you want to talk about it outside of here. I'd even send you my number. We can exchange our grievences with the current situation (which I really try my best to avoid thinking about these days, although we just had to cut the budget back to the absolute bone.)

    Fingers crossed and good thoughts being sent your way. xoxo

  2. I hope things look up for you Darling! Sometimes churches help with electric bills...