Monday, December 19, 2011

Monday coffee, and I have no creamer...

My image of Christmas was completed this weekend. We got our Santa moment. And Olivia looked awkward and uncomfortable to see him. It made me sad. She stood back, with that face that let me know she thought she was too big for this. Even the "decorate your own cookie" didn't seem enjoyable. But they fed "reindeer", and watched their baby sister really get excited. It was just yesterday Olivia believed, without question. Not so sure about that anymore.

Even Molly seems bigger this week. She started to talk EVEN more, if that's possible. She even ends her sentences with words like" though", and" suppose". She insists on emptying her dishes and putting (throwing) them in the sink herself.

And Charlotte. Oh Charlotte. She is tough. And too smart for her own good. She got into trouble the other night. This is the message she wrote to David. Her proposition. She likes to bargain her way out of a jam, with that big, beautiful brain.

And my first ever paycheck for writing. It was a sweet moment. We were in a mad rush to get it to the bank, as we really needed the money, but while David waited in the car, I snapped a picture of it. It wasn't a lot, but it means so much to me. Like the first few dollars a business receives, and tapes to the wall. I felt proud of myself.

I got caught up reading a blog last night. It is called Homegirl on the Range. The author of it wrote an article for CNN on line, which is our computers' homepage. The article was about being poor at Christmas. You cannot believe the amount of mean comments she received. It made me so angry. I don't understand how anyone can pass judgement on anyone. People were telling her she was greedy for wanting to give her two little boys something great from Santa. Some even said that if she couldn't afford them, she shouldn't have children. Such ignorance. One man went on and on, lecturing her, and said she needed to explain to her little guys there is no Santa, and that they all need to learn the true meaning of Christmas.

But others, lots of others, felt her pain. And so did I. Feeling scared every time a utility truck drives by, or if the car makes a funny noise. Being petrified when there is an unexpected knock at the door. Trying so hard to keep your family happy, and provide stability and happiness, in an otherwise unstable place. She said you have got to be strong to be broke. I agree. It takes a lot of internal....something....maybe chutzpa? It is way easier to sit, and complain, and worry, and hide.

To try any creative outlet that you can to try and help better your family, or even just to keep you sane, so you are a better mother, in the face of all the stress that you have to shoulder, really does take some muscle.

Visit her blog here. So worth it.



  1. Hi again! You remind me of me.....I wanted desperately to be a stay at home mom, even if it meant being broke all the time :-) It is so worth it, to really KNOW your kids. You are doing the right thing.

    On a side note, I recently started teaching English to Korean students online. I work nights two times a week. The company I work for is not hiring, but I know of another. If you are interested, e-mail me at


  2. Love her. Thanks for the link.