I said something stupid today.
David told me that the pay raise he was getting...which was really going to help out immensely, is not happening. All part of the pay freeze that our dear President told his Federal employees to sacrifice.
Yesterday, in my neighborhood, a man, a father of two boys, and a husband, was distraught. There were some ongoing domestic issues going on for a while, culminating with him having a standoff at his home with police. He went into the woods behind his home, and shot himself.
I was angry today. I was really pissed off at this latest setback in a life already set back. I said that I understood someone wanting to go into the woods and put a bullet into their head.
I should not have said that. I would never understand that kind of pain. I will never know it.
I am sorry that those words were uttered. I feel shame for having them move across my lips, and sending them out into the air.
Right now, a family is in pain. The kind of pain that I never want to know.
That was a stupid thing to say.
No, I think it was insightful. You know what it's like to feel frustrated, maybe not enough to do what this man did, but, you do understand knowing what it's like to be pushed to the brink.
ReplyDeleteIt goes with your earlier post about not sweating the small stuff. When you can't sweat the small stuff, you can't sweat the big stuff either. And it will drive you mad. It will drive you to go off into the woods.....
I'm so sorry to hear this story. How awful for his family.
No, I don't think so at all. Maybe you DO know that kind of pain. Don't discount your own pain just because you are strong enough to overcome it. Be proud of yourself for being the kind of person that can feel that kind of pain, anguish, anxiety, and still be able to get up in the morning and start another day. Yes, this man's family is in pain. That does not mean that your pain is not real too. Give yourself a break sometimes :/
ReplyDeleteErin, stop beating yourself up! If anyone is ever going to give us a break in this world, it's ourselves...Don't belittle your own hurt. Your struggle is no less significant than another's. Just do your best. That's all any of us can do.
ReplyDeleteDomestic problems are the worst, ripping away at the things that means most to us: our families. I am so sorry to hear this man's story.