Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Tomorrows promise.

My Olivia turned 9 last week. I am really still in a little bit of disbelief about it. I still have a diaper bag tucked in a closet around here, that has remnants of her babyhood in it, along with beach sand, an old swim diaper, and a very expired lip balm. I swear. I just found it the other day. There was a pacifier in the inside pocket of the bag. I laughed when I saw it. I tried so hard to get her to take one, and she never did. Ever. Every time we drove out of state with her to see family, her screaming, torturous shrieks literally had me crying right along with her. I jammed that pacifier in her little rosebud mouth, only to make her more angry. I never learned. She was the boss. Some days, I still feel like she is.

My mom and dad came for her birthday. They have always been there, for every mile stone for all of my girls, but a little bit more for Olivia. They were there the second she entered this world. I remember my mom telling me, "This baby will never go without. Anything she ever needs, she will have". And really, they have been amazing like that. For all of my girls. Just really present in their lives. And in mine.

We sat and watched the girls play in the neighbors driveway, where their best friend lives. They were running in the sprinkler, and eating ice pops, stopping now and then to write in chalk. They laughed and sang at the top of their lungs. It was sweet to watch them, but even more so to listen to. They were free, and just being kids. Enjoying the first real sweet summer days, of many to come.

My Dad looked sad. He is going to be 72. He shook his head and said that he doesn't envy us, and worries even more for those girls. He said he is glad to be where he is. Done. Kids raised. College tuition's, including his own, paid for. We all agreed that we, David and I, are part of a generation that might not do as well as they did. And the girls seems not promised. It doesn't seem like the world will be their oyster. It seems, things have really shifted. I am afraid they will continue to go like that, for a long time to come.

9 years ago, when I had Olivia, I was a newlywed, and a new Mom, and a new homeowner. I felt that the world was our oyster. That life seemed to just be continuing on an upward climb. Things were only going to get better, and what we did today, would promise an even better day for my new baby. I believed that my own life's possibilities always seemed endless. Obstacle free. I never doubted this to be untrue for my own children.

I watched my girls run through the sprinkler the other day, and never felt more unsure of that possibility.

 I could barely hold back my tears.


  1. This was beautiful. I'm sending love your way, girl!

  2. Oh this makes me sad! It makes me think of the scripture "The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, it grows brighter and brighter". Prov. 4:18 This is a scripture that I hold onto, that if I stay in relationship with my Savior, life will get better and better. And thank goodness, His world is not based on our economy. That is the only reason the world's situation right now doesn't unnerve me. Doesn't mean there's not problems, but my hope is in Him, and He's always come through. I understand being concerned for your girls, I have three of my own. That's a good mothers heart. I try to teach mine to never go into debt (our mistake), to save, and to be entrepreneurial, knowing that they will need those skills to come. My hope is they will do even better than we. We've made plenty of mistakes, and have relied on His grace and miracles more than once! I feel ya though, friend.