Tuesday, May 15, 2012


I have so much to write about, that I am actually shaking here, at my keyboard. Mostly a combination of too much coffee, which causes me mental confusion, and a complete inability to organise a thought.

I have become a little obsessed with politics lately, and find myself becoming angry, so many times a day. I post non-stop about this on Facebook, and really, am quite sure I have lost friends because of it. I would de-friend me too, actually. I just can't understand all of this bull shit with people sticking their noses in others business. From the bedroom, to fertility, to breast feeding. Everyone has an opinion on how everyone else should live their lives, and I think everyone should just mind their own business.

Here is a confession. One that I have hid, because I knew what people would think. Molly just turned 3 last week. Do you know I breast fed her up until only about two months ago? Horrifying right? I didn't think it was. We only nursed at night. At bed time. It was quiet. And beyond peaceful. I could see how happy, and secure Molly felt, as she drifted off. Believe me, I really did want it to end. And it has. She is done. But it worked for us. It worked for all of my girls. And I hid it. I almost feel ashamed to admit, that it made me feel ashamed. Like if people knew, they would think I was strange.

BK...before kids...I thought it was strange too. Like a hippie thing to do. But I made the decision when those girls were born to nurse, and I really only thought I would do it for a few months. But I didn't. I nursed them, after being horrified by the price of formula, out of both convenience,being cheap, and that it worked for us. It really did. I nursed Olivia until she was 14 months. I nursed Charlotte until she was 2 1/2. Molly was the longest.

I felt embarrassed with all of them, because I heard all the comments other moms made. And I knew what society "felt" about it. So I told no one. Just David and I. But I feel terrible for feeling ashamed. I feel really sad that it has to come to that. With everything. Whether you nurse, or not. Who you love. All of it.

I am not going to be ashamed about it. I feel proud. I saw that Time magazine cover, and I got it. Shock value. But it also made breast feeding seem sexual. And that has really bothered me, because anyone who has nursed a child knows there is NOTHING sexy about it.

Some expert said that nursing an older child was mental molestation. I have a real problem with that. What I experienced was nothing short of love, and warmth, and safety, and has made my girls healthy, and strong.

There was nothing terrible about it. Not a second of it.

I try hard, every day, to impress upon my daughters not to give a hoot about what other people think, and do what makes them happy. I made a terrible mistake not following that.


  1. It's a bonding thing, I get it. I wasn't able to do it and so I'm bothered by the ones who look down on me because my body didn't produce milk.
    It sounds like a bedtime ritual. We had the bedtime snuggle for eons. We still have it sometimes when she needs a good chat or had a bad day and just needs to know she's loved.

  2. Good for you Erin. They're your babies, and no one will EVER love them the way you do. You're their Mama, no one else. I felt an equal shame when I was not able to nurse them because of medication that I have to take.. I felt judged by other mothers when I'd warm up a bottle for my newborns. They are now big strong healthy smart boys. We know what's best for our babies.. my milk would NOT have been as good for them as the formula, period. But getting off the subject of meee, my best friend also nursed her daughter (who will be 3 on June 13th) at bedtime and occasionally the middle of the night until only a month or two ago. You're not alone with your dark secret. You just don't know about all the others that do the same thing and are also too scared to talk about it. You're a great Mom! :)