Now

New school year. New start. For everyone I hope.

I have been really feeling comfortable in our life. I forget sometimes that at any minute, our class action suit could somehow collapse, and the foreclosure process will move full steam ahead. Right now the process has been stayed by the court. Right now we are in limbo. Waiting. Wondering.

 Most days, I forget about it, but some days, like today, it creeps into my mind. All the routine, and normalcy that my girls have come to expect, could suddenly change. The safety that we provide could suddenly come into question. Almost, overnight. I fear that. Not so much for me. For them. They are happy, good girls. I worry they will suffer in this.

Some times, I think about the future, and David and I talk about plans. But it seems like we could jinx things. We are surrounded by so much uncertainty, making plans for the future seems like a waste of time. Yet, I don't want the future to be dictated to us. For us not to have a say in it. I want to make it happen, yet it seems like it will just become what it will be, without our input.  

So today, I will think of their smiling faces going off to their new school year, in their new shoes, and their fresh pencils tightly zipped in their cases, and I will be thankful, that today, we are OK. I can't drive myself crazy wondering what is going to happen two weeks, or two months from now.

I have to be happy that we have now.