It went into fast forward after that, and suddenly, I knew. The kind of knowing when I felt taller walking down the street, and anxious to greet the day. The kind of love complete with birds tying ribbons in my hair. It was amazing. He was it. I mean "it". I recall telling my father this, over grilled cheese sandwiches in a diner. He looked like he was going to choke. I had not brought David around to my parents yet, as I had dragged way too many toads home in the past, and I really just wanted this to be all for me. All for us.
Everything fell into place so quickly, and so naturally. He proposed, on bended knee, after asking my Dad for permission. We had a beautiful wedding, and soon after, found out we were welcoming our first baby. It was, and has been, a magical time in my life. The time I had been looking forward to for so long. I still sometimes pinch myself, and can't believe my good fortune.
Soon after moving here to Pennsylvania, reality set in. House. Baby. Strange surroundings. It was tough. David commuted to NJ. We were getting by, but just barely. Then job loss hit, and a huge pay cut followed. It has us really just clawing by. Some weeks, we are barely able to scrape to the end of the week. Some days, I feel like my family was just getting started, and we have been stopped, mid-flight.
It can be really hard. It can wreak havoc on even the strongest marriages. I loathe fighting about money, or in our case, the lack of it. It makes me steamed that some days, financial stress can really put a wall up between us. Such a silly thing to fight about, yet one of the biggest reasons why marriages fail.
Each day is a stress. Each bill has us scratching our head as to how, or when it will be paid. But we make it. Our version of making it, anyway. And I know so many families, right now, doing the same. Borrowing from Peter, to pay Paul. And so it goes.
Today, we are married for 9 years. David called me from work this morning to tell me Happy Anniversary. He also said that it has been tough. Some days are filled with so much uncertainty. So much pressure. But he said he wouldn't change a thing. Not a minute of it.
Me neither, my love.