Clean

Most days, the house gets a lick and a promise. I "clean" the same surfaces, and quickly Swiffer the floor. Run the vacuum, and wipe down the bathroom. Mostly the mirror. I hate toothpaste and soap splatter. And the smiley faces the girls write in the steam. I should love it. After all, beings from my own body, made from love, created these smiley faces looking back at me. But I get very irritated when I see them. Bad Mom, I know, but they bug me.

When the clutter gets too much, it is shuffled into a pile, or placed in one of my famous "baskets", or "crap keepers" as David likes to call them. They really create the illusion of tidiness for me. But even my crap keepers were looking out of control. 

 Today, I purged. I got up at 7:30, and it began. My in-laws are visiting next week, so it was a good excuse to really get to the nitty gritty. And nitty that gritty I did. Crap and more crap. I still can't believe the stuff I hang on to. Receipts, and drawings. School work, and little notes. There were people's names written down with telephone numbers, and I honestly don't even know who they are. And coupons! The amount of hours I have sat, and clipped coupons, that were never put in my coupon folder....ugh. And that coupon folder is filled with expired coupons! I swear, somewhere in me is an extremely organized person. OK, that's a lie, but I so wish I had the ability to keep track of everything, and let go of things, and not place memories in a doodle of a ladybug by one of my girls.

But it's done. I dumped and cleaned, and swept, and dusted, and rearranged. I moved things around in my kitchen, and it felt so nice to just be in it. Floors vacuumed, and clean clothes finally put away, and not just sitting in piles. I blitzed the place. I actually am enjoying being in my own home tonight.

 I sometimes wonder how much time we actually have here. I know that I have stopped wanting to hang pictures, or "redecorate" with my own belongings, by switching them around from room to room. I guess I am worried that we will have to leave soon. Why bother? I had begun to not really worry about that for a while, when we thought David was being deployed. I thought that soon, we would save our home. It would all be OK. But now, since that is off the table, the worry is back.

But for tonight, the house is spotless. The girls are bathed, and tucked in bed. Everyone has a full belly. The shower I just took was so refreshing. I am sitting here with a fan blowing on me, and I feel cool, on this hot night. My mind is clear. Less cluttered. Purged. I feel good.

 For tonight, anyway.