Misplaced

Thanks to the kindness of David's co worker, we made it to East Hampton for Thanksgiving. I am happy we were able to. I am happy someone's kind heart allowed us to.

I am so stressed. I can't focus on just letting go, and enjoying time with old friends. I keep worrying about how we are going to buy Christmas presents. I couldn't sleep thinking about it.

I took a nap today here at our friends house. This is the first place David and I lived before we got married. This was our love shack. I was here with Molly alone. Everybody had gone out. I sat on the couch, holding her on my chest, under the giant picture window, that faces south. Giant squares of sun warmed us. It felt so familiar. It made me feel sad.

We napped in the sun. When I opened my eyes, it felt like we had never left here. It was like I dreamed about a life somewhere else. It was just a dream. I woke up in my old home. But it wasn't. This isn't my home anymore. The warmth of the sun tricked me. It made me want to cry.

I just can't shake this incredible sadness.

I feel like I have misplaced something.

I have this urge to keep looking around for it, but I don't know what I am looking for.