I even wrote one day, "will anyone even read this". One day, someone replied. They were in Germany. And it blew my mind, that my little rantings were being read, and words of encouragement were given to me, by someone I will never lay eyes on. The humanity floored me. It made me feel suddenly, that what I wrote was not just disappearing after I spewed it out into some loud mish mosh of words and sounds all jammed into wires, and signals above my head.
Someone got it. And listened. And told me they heard me.
My posts have evolved, and changed day to day, week to week. Some days I feel like it is all some self indulgent time suck that I am escaping to. Some days I feel desperate, and angry. Still others, I feel incredibly humbled for the life I have been given, and the people in it. I have never felt more love, and have never given more love in return. It makes my head want to pop some days, and it can be a bit overwhelming, but what I do know, is like my writing, this life is ever changing, and the only thing I can count on, is that it won't be the same next week, next month, and next year.
The certainty of that used to terrify me. My girls growing out of shoes, and casting aside baby dolls for bikes. All stages of their lives, but ones that I thought were going to last a bit longer. It is all bittersweet, and makes me melancholy some days. Still others, I feel excitement knowing the best days of my life are yet to come.
"Will anyone read this", I asked. And they did. I noticed this morning that my page views here on this blog have hit the 100,000 mark. That astounded me. Who I was just a few short years ago is someone I no longer am. Stressed, and worried still. But this space here that I slunk away too so many years ago to get all the noise out of my head, has lead to some unlikely friendships, and strangers touching my life. It has made me transform as a mom, and wife, and woman. It has given me a purpose, a passion, and funny enough, a job. It has given me strength that I didn't know I had, and allowed me to realize potential in myself that I assumed went out the window the moment I became a Mom.
I like to write. And I am not very good at it. But I thank you for visiting me here at this space, and sharing your own really personal stories with me. I don't know what I will write about tomorrow. I never do. But I know someone is reading it, and for that, I am grateful