Wednesday, June 22, 2011


I had started to relax. I started feeling stress leave my body and being replaced by relief. I saw a teeny tiny flickering light at the end of the tunnel. I even started to look forward to writing about my family getting out of this financial nightmare that we are in. I was excited for the new chapter we were about to begin. It felt like things were about to fall into place for us. It was a feeling I have not known.

David is not being deployed. At the 11th hour, he could not get his security clearance. What prevented this final step from happening was his credit score. The very reason he was going to Iraq has prevented him from going. Having a foreclosure on your credit is very bad. So much so that apparantly, he is considered a security risk. So, that is that. The relief we thought would come from this is not coming. The seperation our family was willing to endure will not be happening. The foreclosure will continue. The pile of unpaid bills will continue to be unpaid. The new chapter in our life will not be starting. We are still in this awful chapter. It just won't end, despite every effort on our part.

Yesterday, I was devestated. Today, I am angry. I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine when David was laid off 3 years ago, and she said to me, "Don't you think the news of unemployment and the terrible economy is really being a bit inflated by the media?" I recall having to bite my tongue. I told her that everything she was reading in the newspaper was real. What she saw on the news was happening. People are having a hard time. People are out of work. David was unemployed for over 6 months. It devestated us. We are still paying for it. He has a job paying him much less, but thankfully he is employed. Yet all of that has effected our today, and now, our future. It is a hole that we were getting ready to pull ourself out of, but ironically, the very reason why David was going to the middle east is now preventing him from going. We just slipped futher down. The whole thing is mind blowing. To say we are disappointed would be an understatement.

A few months after I had that conversation with my friend, her husband was laid off. They had to move out of the country for work. You have to do whatever it takes to keep your family whole. I guess we are going to have to really put our heads together to figure this one out. Just when we thought we were going to right our ship, we have hit some choppy sea, yet again. I read something yesterday. I went to bed thinking about it. I kept waking up through the night, hearing it in my head.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."  -Mark Twain


  1. No words can express the feelings I have....

  2. I am with Leon. I am flummoxed and heartbroken for you. xo

  3. That frigging blows. I'm so sorry.