Monday, June 27, 2011

New day

After several days of going from a feeling of desperation, to complete disbelief, and add way too much wine from self medicating those feelings, which then adds anxiety, a calm has set in. It is typical that our plans fall apart. It really is. Things, however well planned out, have a history of not coming to fruition, through no fault of our own. Really, this was just par for the course. And today is Monday, and the sky is blue, and the sun is shining, and my coffee is especially delicious. So while my family still has a roof over our head, and cozy beds to sleep in, I'll take it, and stop questioning when the next catastrophe will be.

Last night, capping off an amazing weekend of family walks through forests, and window shopping, and singing Katy Perry songs at the top of our lungs in the car, David and I put the girls to bed, and watched "Whose afraid of Virgina Woolfe". I had never seen it. Mostly because I dismiss most black and white movies. I know I am foolish for doing so, but normally, they bore me, and I stop paying attention all together. I have never seen Casablanca. David is horrified at the list of movies I have not seen. He made me watch Sabrina a few years ago, and I really was filled with dread all day, but I LOVED it!

I watched the movie last night, I will admit, unwillingly. In fact, it was a Netflix movie that has been sitting on top of the television so long, that Netflix emailed us, wondering if everything was OK, as we had not returned the movie. They certainly got their $7.00 worth from us this month.

The movie was amazing. Elizabeth Taylor was incredible. Watching her made me feel a little sad. She kept drinking and smoking during the movie. I kept looking at her beautiful mouth, and feeling strange that she is dead. But she was such an incredible actress. So was Richard Burton. You could tell that they really did both love and hate each other. The chemistry was jaw dropping. The whole movie was disturbing and sad, and made me feel at times, that I was watching something real. A lot of times in movies that are old enough to be black and white, I always think the acting seems so unnatural. The way they speak to one another is so odd. So forced, and overly dramatic. Not this movie. It seemed real. It seemed possible.

I love when a movie or a book resonates with you, you wake up thinking about it. It is nice to have other things on my mind other than the normal impending doom that I normally feel. I have a lot of things cooking in my mind. I feel that change is on the horizon, yet again. It might not be for the better, but every day, I look at my family, and feel the love from all of the people in my life, and I am thankful. Our problems are monetary. That's it. I think that I have it so good in so many other facets of my life, that I have to suck up the bad. And the bad can and has gotten pretty bad. But we can take it. I know we can.

Happy Monday. Yummy coffee. I see more black and white movies in my future. 

Today I feel like anything is possible.

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