Monday, April 4, 2011

Sick day

Today, I would like to call in sick. I can't stand Molly's cry today. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Charlotte has been sick since Thursday. She had a 104 degree fever last night. Her eyes were rimmed red. She was out of it. I want her to get better. I want sickness out of my house, once and for all.

I wish I could walk through the woods, alone. I want to hear quiet. Stillness. I want to hear my own breathing, and sticks cracking beneath my feet. But I am scared of the woods. I am scared of bears. So I would never be alone in the woods. Maybe I would just like to be brave. That is one character that I do not posses. I am afraid of everything. All of it. Some days, it is paralyzing. I am tired of being so fearful.

My girls should see a mother who is strong. Not one who cowers at a thunder storm. Not one who fears strong wind. Not one who panics when the lights go out.

They should see a mother who walks in the woods. Happily. Without hesitation. Not one who fears animals. They should see a mother who swims in the ocean. Not one who imagines murky creatures beneath the waves. Not one who is too petrified to go in, past her knees.

Today, I want to call in sick from being me. Just for today. Because this fear is just too much to take sometimes.

3 comments:

  1. So understandable. Spring is on its way up to you (it just started down here). Hugs . . .

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  2. I wish I was across the street with a hug, a glass of wine and God's love. Tell me how yo help?!

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