Monday, April 4, 2011

Sick day

Today, I would like to call in sick. I can't stand Molly's cry today. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Charlotte has been sick since Thursday. She had a 104 degree fever last night. Her eyes were rimmed red. She was out of it. I want her to get better. I want sickness out of my house, once and for all.

I wish I could walk through the woods, alone. I want to hear quiet. Stillness. I want to hear my own breathing, and sticks cracking beneath my feet. But I am scared of the woods. I am scared of bears. So I would never be alone in the woods. Maybe I would just like to be brave. That is one character that I do not posses. I am afraid of everything. All of it. Some days, it is paralyzing. I am tired of being so fearful.

My girls should see a mother who is strong. Not one who cowers at a thunder storm. Not one who fears strong wind. Not one who panics when the lights go out.

They should see a mother who walks in the woods. Happily. Without hesitation. Not one who fears animals. They should see a mother who swims in the ocean. Not one who imagines murky creatures beneath the waves. Not one who is too petrified to go in, past her knees.

Today, I want to call in sick from being me. Just for today. Because this fear is just too much to take sometimes.


  1. So understandable. Spring is on its way up to you (it just started down here). Hugs . . .

  2. I wish I was across the street with a hug, a glass of wine and God's love. Tell me how yo help?!