I wish I could walk through the woods, alone. I want to hear quiet. Stillness. I want to hear my own breathing, and sticks cracking beneath my feet. But I am scared of the woods. I am scared of bears. So I would never be alone in the woods. Maybe I would just like to be brave. That is one character that I do not posses. I am afraid of everything. All of it. Some days, it is paralyzing. I am tired of being so fearful.
My girls should see a mother who is strong. Not one who cowers at a thunder storm. Not one who fears strong wind. Not one who panics when the lights go out.
They should see a mother who walks in the woods. Happily. Without hesitation. Not one who fears animals. They should see a mother who swims in the ocean. Not one who imagines murky creatures beneath the waves. Not one who is too petrified to go in, past her knees.
Today, I want to call in sick from being me. Just for today. Because this fear is just too much to take sometimes.