So, apparently, last evening, Charlotte kept asking David and I to take a look at a video she made, on her iPod. She asked David repeatedly, to which he told her, "in a minute". She asked me several times, as well, and I only know this because David said she did, yet I have zero memory of it. I was getting laundry done, and dinner prepared...didn't have a second to even listen to her request, but apparently, my standard answer of "later" was on the tip of my tongue for her.
After we tucked the girls into bed, and David and I sat down together, both tired from our day, on our deck, David received a text. It was from Charlotte, sending him the video, she so badly wanted us to both see. I guess she figured that was the only way she would get our attention.
The sudden sadness I felt shot right through me. It sucked.
I felt, and feel, not quite there all the time for my girls. Just trying to make it to the end of the day, and herd them from one thing to the other, until they can finally be put to sleep. I waited all this time to have this family, and sometimes, I just feel so sad when I take it for granted. I feel bad that if even for a second, one of my girls felt like a bother to us, I, we have failed. Yet I realize how very often I let them know they are being one.
I read this today.
No is so easy to say. Because yes is a lot of what I don't want to be doing.
But what am I doing any of this for?
After we tucked the girls into bed, and David and I sat down together, both tired from our day, on our deck, David received a text. It was from Charlotte, sending him the video, she so badly wanted us to both see. I guess she figured that was the only way she would get our attention.
The sudden sadness I felt shot right through me. It sucked.
I felt, and feel, not quite there all the time for my girls. Just trying to make it to the end of the day, and herd them from one thing to the other, until they can finally be put to sleep. I waited all this time to have this family, and sometimes, I just feel so sad when I take it for granted. I feel bad that if even for a second, one of my girls felt like a bother to us, I, we have failed. Yet I realize how very often I let them know they are being one.
I read this today.
No is so easy to say. Because yes is a lot of what I don't want to be doing.
But what am I doing any of this for?
Thank you so much for sharing my blog. I related to everything you wrote here, and it made me tear up reading it, because I get it. So much.
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