It's keeping me up all night. It's making me unable to sit still. I feel like I should empty my cabinets, and rearrange and purge. Maybe if things around me were less cluttered, and in order, I would feel a sense of control, at a time I feel utterly out of control.
But I suspect, that if everything were as neat as a pin, however neat that implies, I would still look for something else to do.
I am afraid to drive on highways. The kind like Route 80. But I feel like heading West on it. Maybe if I could distance myself from the confusion, and worry, I could escape it. But that isn't possible.
Sleep brings no relief. It is creeping into my dream. Making me wake up at night, and feel the bed shake with each fast beat of my heart.
Molly, my sweet beautiful Molly, has something growing in her. Something that needs to be biopsied. I had to call a surgeon for her yesterday. We have to wait two long weeks to see him.
I felt it the other night, and envisioned myself cutting it our of her with my exacto knife.
Two weeks seems like a long time to let something simmer away.