I have forgotten how to write, and I miss this space.

 

Daily writing became such an amazing habit, and I walked away from it.

 

The blank "page" scares me some days.

 

These are my parents hands.

 

Married 50 years.

 

Love.

$55.00. That is all we have, and payday isn't until next Friday. Not this Friday. Next. 

I am not sure how we are going to do this. 

I am so scared. Beyond stressed. 

Frightened.

 Painted this because I love Bielen's work.

 This bear was my lunch date.

 The view from Olivia's school library.

 This face. I just adore her. 4 is amazing.

I feel so much love for this little guy.

 

Can't keep on top of the clutter. I realized yesterday that I have to start buying the giant jar of peanut butter. We go through the small one in four days. Soap bars disappear quickly, and I must change the roll of toilet paper once a day.

photos by molly, age 4

and then she went to preschool. 

=(

                NOT sure how THIS happened. 

=(

What do I say?

 I am a fraud?

 I am not what I expect others to be to me?

I am a bad friend.

 This I know.

 I want so much to be accepted.

But I accept no one.

Briefly.

And it is always fun.

But I cut it off.

I am unsure why I do this.

I miss these relationships.

Even mourn for them.

But I let them go.

Each and every one.

Then I am sad when they move on.

No Christmas card.

No calls.

I deserve it.

I disappoint.

And yet, I think I am a great friend.


All evidence to the contrary.